Thursday 10/22/15

Ephesians 4 29-32:  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.

For a long period of time (over 10 years) I had been serving God in a capacity that I loved.  A role that fit how God made me.  A position that allowed me to use the gifts that God had created in me.  I truly believe that I was in God’s will as I served in this capacity.  Abruptly and in a very unfortunate way, a leader in this ministry caused me to have to step away from this ministry.

As I write this, I am still dealing with hurt over this situation.  I grieve over the loss of this ministry.  God allowed me to truly serve him in this now former role.  How could something that seemed so perfect and so a part of God’s plan for me now be gone.  For me to step away from this position is like a parent stepping away from parenting their child whom they love or a pilot stepping away from the controls of a flying aircraft.  For me to no longer be serving God in this capacity has me completely lost.

As I lick my wounds and search for the healing process to begin, I seek God.  I ask God to be near and to provide.  I seek new ways to understand my God.  Some who care about me have suggested that maybe God has new things in store for me.  I know this is the nature of our God, but this concept hurts because I do not feel that it was God’s will for me to be removed from my previous role.  I clearly believe that I was in God’s will in my previous role.

What is God’s will for me?  For us?  Maybe it is true to say that it is only God’s will for us to be growing in our relationship with him.  Today I am feeling lots of loss over recent circumstances.  I am dealing with hurt and anger.  I am confused about how one who stands with spiritual authority over me can be so hurtful.  But I am growing.  I find myself reaching harder and further to find my God.  I am finding peace with the nuggets tucked away in my “faith file”.

So today, as I face a new day, the tender hurt of a very difficult situation is still very present. God has reminded me that it is His will for me to grow closer to him.  Is that what Paul meant when he said, “To live is Christ, but to die is gain”?  That means that to live is to experience God and grow closer to him.  But to die is to be placed in God’s presence.

Today I choose to grow closer to him through the pain that I am currently experiencing. I will use the pain that I feel to reach harder and further in my journey of knowing and serving God.  My wisdom and my relationship with God (and his word!) assures me that when I mix pain, reaching harder, and seeking that I will surely experience a new “Breath of Heaven”!